The Hamptons Dictionary
The Essential Guide to Class Warfare
By Miles Jaffe
with illustrations by Jennett Russell
First Edition 2008 Complete Fabrications LTD
with illustrations by Plinio Pinto
Second Edition 2009 The Disinformation Company
Stuck in traffic with a bad case of Hummeroids, I was becoming more aggrichvated by the minute. Outside, another greenfield had disappeared, replaced by a McMansion farm that had metastasized overnight.
Labor tourists busily prepared a new watershed while a few construction screws idled in the shade. An empty beer can flew from the Chevy subdivision in front of me, probably some hampsters arguing about slaughterhouses on their way to a hicnic. Across the street, a cattle car disgorged a herd of jitnoids.
I was on my way to a megacottage in the privet sector, steeling myself for inevitable hostage negotiations with a self-appointed master of the universe (and renowned blue chipper) suffering a debilitating case of economy class syndrome.
In my head I ran through the steps of the beggar’s waltz, hoping I could get through the coming degradation ceremony without provoking an emotional detonation.
It’s August in Angri-la, and the silly season is in full swing …
“begins with a bang and doesn’t stop going off”
The East Hampton Star
“a perfect spoof”
New York Post
“skewers the new Hamptons elite”
Hamptons Cottages & Gardens
“A Devil's Dictionary for the Hamptons”
The Sag Harbor Express
“skewers the Hamptons lifestyle”
The Southampton Press