THE RITUAL OBJECTS OF COSMOLOGY

Mankind has long utilized handcrafted objects for both practical and spiritual purposes. From the fertility symbols of ancient cultures to the voodoo dolls of modern Haiti, these ritual objects have been indispensable tools for achieving reproduction, healing and protection from evil.

Now Cosmology has its own ritual objects, intended to assist the faithful in their journey toward the ultimate goal. These objects aid exploration and manipulation of the space-time continuum as one travels the path toward understanding and fulfillment.

 

GRAVITON DETECTOR

aluminum, 3-1/2" x 3-1/2" x 1-1/8"

The Graviton Detector utilizes negative-pressure anti-gravity levitrons to detect zero-charge, zero-mass, infinite-life particles.

CAUTION: Exposure to levitrons may cause increased heart and respiration rates and reduced levels of cortisol, dopamine and adrenaline in the central nervous system. In some cases severe uncontrollable muscle spasms have been reported. Exposure to levitrons is highly contagious.


COSMIC STRING

aluminum, stainless steel and bronze, 5" cube (collapsed), 26" at full extension.

String Theory attempts to unify the fundamental forces and particles into a Grand Unified Theory. To do so it postulates ten or eleven dimensions (as if four were not enough). Manipulation of Cosmic Strings enables access to other dimensions.

CAUTION: As each multiple dimension may contain other discrete multiple dimensions, it may be difficult to find your way back.


BIG BANG

brass, steel, 3" cube (collapsed), 4-1/2" cube at full extension

Big Bang theory postulates the origin of the universe and implies the question of its eventual fate. Will it expand forever, reach a steady state, or ultimately collapse upon itself in a big crunch?

CAUTION: Cycling of this device may cause formation of quantum singularities, matter accretion, X-ray emission and local gravitational disturbances.

 


QUANTUM FLASK

bronze, 2" square, 3-1/2" high (variable

The Quantum Flask holds elementary particles created in accelerators such as the Tevatron and the Super Proton Synchrotron. Normally these particles decay almost instantly. The Quantum Flask maintains a high vacuum to hold these particles in stasis.

CAUTION: Opening this device will release high energy quanta, which when freed from containment will decay into lower energy particles with an attendant release of radiation.

 


TEMPORAL CHAIN

brass, stainless steel, 3" cube (collapsed), 15" at full extension

In closed form the Temporal Chain loops endlessly on itself like a four-dimensional Moebius Strip. Unlinked it becomes a bi-directional linear flow with restricted movement but fluid flexibility. It is equally well suited for transport to the past or future. 

CAUTION: May cause inescapable local paradoxes. Return from temporal excursion may be to a displaced present. 

 


FERMION EXCITER

brass, steel, 1-1/2" square, 3" long (collapsed), 4-1/2" at full extension

The Fermion Exciter provides the first stage of particle acceleration prior to insertion into the linear accelerator. Electrons are added to hydrogen atoms producing negative ions at an energy of 750,000 electron volts. 

CAUTION: May produces static discharges in the form of ball lightning.

 


SUPERSTRING

aluminum, bronze, stainless steel, 4-1/2" cube (collapsed), 14-1/2" at full extension

Superstring Theory deals with uniting the two (theoretical) fundamental types of particles (fermions and bosons). This device warps local n-dimensional space to prove the existence of these particles. 

CAUTION: Manipulation of superstrings may release anti-matter particles which will instantaneously convert into energy at the rate of 9 x 10^16 joules/kg.,  about 300 times the efficiency of nuclear fission. 


Rosette Cryostat

brass, steel, 1-1/2" X 3" square (collapsed), 1-1/2" X 4-1/2" square (expanded)

The Rosette Cryostat decelerates particles to maintain accelerator beam confinement and increase collision energy and probability. Also used to cool the sweaty hands of anxious physicists during an experiment. 

CAUTION: Excessive cycling may cause freezer burns.